I saw this on one of my friends walls on facebook and i thought it was beautiful and carried such a lovely sentiment...

My face may be different
But my feelings the same,
I laugh and I cry
And I take pride in my gains.


I was sent here among you

To teach you to love,
As God in the heavens
Looks down from above.

To Him I'm no different
His love knows no bounds
It's those here among you
In cities and towns....

That judge me by standards
That man has imparted,
But this family I've chosen
Will help me get started.

For I'm one of the children
So special and few,
That came here to learn
The same lessons as you,

That love is acceptance
It must come from the heart,
We all have the same purpose
Though not the same start.

The Lord gave me life
To live and embrace,
And I'll do it as you do
But at my own pace.

ENJOY AND KEEP YOUR HEADS UP! 

(All credit to my friend Craig Readion)

If Peter Reeves, the cop killer, didn't die accidentally. Then who murdered the murderer?

Sometimes, my ability to create captivating titles often amuses me. I often feel like i may be choosing the wrong profession. Maybe i chose teaching because i felt close to my grandma, and some way, my mum.

Though, at present, my life seems to be simply going down the drain. In the title words of the famous Katy Perry song, i am simply "Circling the drain". I am currently right where i started, with no job an no education. Brilliant life for a aspiring 20 year old, who has brains in her head, but yet they seem to be failing her. I know, its sad. But what to do?

I am trying, i really am. But the more time i spend on my own, the more time i spend questioning; "What am i ACTUALLY doing with my life!?" 

And the answer: "I haven't the foggiest!" 

I used to dream that i'd be famous, as every little girl does, once in her childhood. Then when that fantasy dissolved, i would envision myself becoming the next best female columnist.

I actually, am now, sitting here contemplating redirecting my whole future. Maybe going into the property market or real estate, hardly the right timing what with it being a recession and all and property levels down. 

Or maybe, taking up a writing course, or going down the journalism track. But then, the usual self doubts kick in, and i wonder do i really have what it takes to be the risk taker. Do i really have the courage to change my life, redirect my future, at such a late stage in my life?

Then, i have to remember, that life is all about taking risks, and if you avoid taking risks all your life, than you find yourself not living, but merely just existing. And that is no life. To just exist. I'd rather die, knowing that i took the risk, than knowing i avoided it and circled the inevitable for the rest of my life.

To quote Bilbo Baggins from The Lord of the Rings; 

"Its a dangerous business, going out your door. You step onto the road and if you don't keep your feet, there's no telling where you might be swept off to...."

To simplify, this quote suggests that each time we walk out of the door, we are immediately faced with the danger of expectation and the offering of a new adventure, and if don't watch ourselves, and guide ourselves, with or without a few risks along the way, there's no knowing where each of us might end up. Its a dangerous road, full of little and big twists, but its a journey. Its our journey. We make choices, we make decisions. We enjoy the ride, and we get taken for a ride. But thats life..... 

Its our life.....

Its my journey.

Ciao

    x

"Alright we got ourselves a situation"

So right now i'm at a turning point in my life, where i  can choose which way to go; Left or Right? And to tell you the truth i honestly don't know.

I just feel like i have generally lost who i am, like i don't kniow who i really am anymore. I don't feel like my usual self and i don't know why. Maybe i've watched to many reality TV programmes and dosed myself up on the life of a guidette in Jersey Shore. Who knows!

All i know is that, regardless of how cheesy and cliche this may seem, i need to do a journey of discovery. I need to distance myself from all the craziness and just have some timeout so i can focus on whats really important and re-discover myself.

So much has happened to me, and i just hate the feeling that i'm throwing it all away, i can't affod to do this, not this time around. My life goal is right in fornt of me, and i just need to get my head screwed on, my priorities straight and realise what needs to be done and get it done, remebering that this isn't the 7th grade anymore, and that my friends will still be there, whatever i decide to do. I just need to have the guts to get it done.

I don't want to be the one who sits on the sidelines while her friends go off and party and accomplish their dreams at university. Thats nt who i want to be, i have a dream (cue matin Luther) and i will achieve this dream, and if that involves sticking my head down and becoming a social reject for a year, than thats what has to be done, and i shouldn't be afraid to do that. At the end of the day, those friends who mean something will be there, and the ones that don't will go. Hakuna Matata, y'know.

I just hope, someone out there hears this, or reads it actually, and hears and understands what i'm saying. Cause i'm sure they have been many others before me, who are still stuck, or have been stuck in the same position.


Ciao for now, i'm off to discover me, again!

                      X

When "Parental Guidance" causes problems.....

So i'm gonna be 20 this year which is shit scary (excuse my french!!) but its my last year of being a teenager!! OMG!!!


I would've thought that me being 20 this year would've meant that my parents would have come to trust me more and treat me like an adult, but apparently my perceptions were wrong. I am hoping this is going to change, they seem to think i isolate myself but thats not true. My mum isolates me, when i do go down stairs to socialize with them she just ignores me and then when i do the same, she tells me to go back upstairs if i'm going to ignore her - mixed messages, ahem, i think so!?


So i am at Essex University with my best girlie, getting ready for some downtime in the SU bar with good mates and a bit of a game of pool. I'm hoping this will take my mind of all the fault and blame that is bumming me out. But as you all aware, when your bummed out you can't help but spare a small part of you brain that just keeps thinking about everything that has happened on the home front.
I hate the fact i'm an empathetic person, i over think things too much and get hurt too easily! DAYUMMMMM!


Well, this is a short check in, as i wanna get on it with my girl tonight, so i will be sure to check back with you guys later!


Ciao


   x

"Let the Bells ring out for Christmas Day..."

And so the day of luxury is finally upon us. The day where everyone eats as much turkey as they can scramble and where the drink flows both freely (and liberally, i might add!).


The day where little children smile with glee, and scream for the joys that the man in the big red suit from the North has sent them.


Its the day, when family comes together to celebrate old and new traditions. Its the time of the year that family feuds are forgotten, and long lost families are reunited. The time for good cheer and good will to all.


Sitting in the house, lit up by the warm glow of Christmas tree lights and burning fires, enjoying the comical gifts of stocking presents, and admiring Aunt Gladys' choice in winter warmers. The time when family's sit with wrapping paper strewn across the floor, and watch the festive cheer shown on the BBC throughout the day. Where mother dutifully slaves away in the kitchen, casually smothering the house in an array of deliciously inviting smells. When father anxiously watches his son unwrap the model plane, then throws himself into "helping" his son put it together.


Grandfather sits in his chair drinking sherry and dozing off whilst watching the rolling news. Grandma, listens intently while her grandchildren talk her through the Harry Potter sticker book they have been given, Grandma nods, and pretends she knows exactly what a hippogriff and an elixir of life is!


The older children, sit with their head buried in their various technologically gifts, the one daughter, sits whilst her brother devours his sweets, and watching TV. This daughter, sits and blogs her annual Christmas post.


This is why i love Christmas. Presents are great, too. Don't get me wrong, but the est thing for me, is the atmosphere Christmas rings. Everyone seems merrier, more willing to have fun and laugh more. Thats the est thing. Christmas is the one time of the year that really brings a family together, and that togetherness is priceless.


MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL! 


xxxx

It's my life - so leave it alone

Have you ever felt like everyone is more interested in your life tan they are their own?


I can't tell you how much this happens to me. All the time. People find a loop hole and just slip themselves right in. Its like their lives are so boring they just can't help themselves but become nosy buggers in yours.


Fair enough, i have made some really idiot decisions over the past two weeks, but i'm just so stressed and pressured from every angle, that i just want the time to stop for a minute. I know i can't throw this away and i don't plan to. But its those snide little bitches and two faced gossipers that just won't disappear.


If i encounter them, i'd like to have the guts to say "So what! It's my life, so leave me the hell alone to live it" Its not like i need their approval, i am 3 years older than them.


So i'm just going to go back, with my head geld high, then in complete contrast to that last statement, keep my head down and just work. Hopefully, if i do that to the letter, keeping myself to myself - becoming a geek in school, then with a bit of prayer and wishful thinking a year and a half will fl by and i can leave for pastures new and university.


Cause i will get there my friends, i WILL. I know i will, somehow, somewhere. Watch this Space...

CCCCCHEKING IN....

Well i haven't blogged in what seems like forever, so i thought i'd check in and give you a little update on how things are coming.

It seems i am barely keeping my head above water in terms of all the college assignments that are being thrown upon me like there's no tomorrow! Its definitely a challenge, trying to organise all my placement work, all my college work, all my daily logs/observations/routines/activities, and actually writing my assignments, but i'm sure i'll get them done. 

Well, so far life's been awesome. I have finally got rid of some baggage that i had, and thankfully thats out of my life, and i don't have to encounter that again. But even though losing that baggage was an incredibly hard decision, i have gained something much more special, and other things have been made much more clearer to me. 

So thats a good thing.

I can't wait till Saturday 3rd December, i'm off to the O2 arena in London to go to the Jungle Bell Ball concert with my friend. Can't wait for that - haven't been to a live gig since i was like 9 and it was the Girl Guides Big Gig in Wembley Arena. Can't wait to see The Wanted, Rihanna and Olly Murs.....OhEmGee!!! :D

My brother's doing exceptionally well with his rugger at the minute, he managed to maintain his position in the saints development squad so that's good. Very proud of him!

Plus, i have just sat here and worked out that there are only 43 more days till christmas aaahhh exciting stuff, and even though ive had my christmas present early (my blackberry) i still can't wait, cause its not always about the presents, its more about the family, and the traditions you keep in your family. I hope it snows - snow makes for both great fun and great photography!

Next Friday, will be Children in Need, and usually we don't fundraise for that, not all day, but we would usually dress up and pay a pound and the refectory would sell pudsey cookies or something at the Sixth Form. But at the institute, the whole day's lessons are cancelled and we spend the whole day fundraising. I'm not being funny, but i do think that cancelling ALL lessons is a bit ridiculous. They say we are contracted to 13 hours a week of contact time, well, firday we lose 6 hours out of our contact time, because we are "fundraising" all we are doing is standing behind a cake stall selling cakes! I

Don't get me wrong, i love fundraising for charities, but you don't necessarily have to cancel everybody's lessons! 

So whats the point of coming in, i hear you ask yourself? Thats is something i asked myself when i was informed about it, but our tutor says she would be very disappointed and unhappy if we decided not to bother coming in for the day because we have no lessons. But it is completely bonkers, but hey-ho, never mind!

Well, thats it from me for a while, i'm shattered, and i can't say when i will be in next, as i dare say i will have very little social life trying to do all this damn college work and going to watch the brother train and play all his rugger etc! Hopefully it'll be before christmas day, maybe christmas eve, if i remember!

Ciao

x